A woman's experience with breast cancer

                                                         AGAINST THE WINDS

My name is Ifedayo. I am 37 years old. I am a banker and am single. Well, like many of you guys I have always heard so much about breast cancer. And I always knew I could never have cancer of the breast. The disease to me was like finding snow in the desert. I believed I could not have it because I was young - just 35 years. Also, there is no history of such disease in my family, among other reasons – either way, I thought I could never have it.

That was two years ago.  Presently, I am on drugs, my hair, my wedding, blossom looks and career are long gone like coin money in our Nigerian denominations.

It had all begun one morning while having my bath. As usual, I was rushing to work. Work was hectic those days because I got winds of a promotion swinging my way.  So I was trying hard to wear my best at work. Besides, preparation for my wedding was wearing my time thin. That morning, I had casually felt a soft ball in my left breast. I was alarmed. ‘What could this be?’ I worried aloud.  I took a closer look at it. Now I was running late for work. I had to shelve the idea of the swelling till when I returned from work. Besides, the swelling was just sitting down quietly and was not painful. Perhaps it would disappear with time. It should be one of those things that come and go.

The next time I noticed the quiet ball was six months later when I noticed a nipple discharge. This time around the mass was firmer. So I was much more troubled. I was disturbed because my overly-late wedding was just some four months away. So I went to see a doctor – a surgeon. Little did I know that this was the beginning of a long journey.

After the doctor examined my two breasts, my armpit, my tummy and other places. He said ‘Please dress up.’

I did.

‘Young lady, why are you just coming now?’

I was alarmed.

 ‘Is it very terrible? Am I going to die? Will I have my breast removed?’ I asked. ‘It is just four months to my wedding.’ I continued, ‘I only noticed it about six months ago.’

‘You should have come to the hospital immediately you saw it. You should have.’

‘But it was just a small mass’ I continued ‘Could six months only have done any havoc?’

‘Six months can do much more.’ He paused. ‘If you had come here earlier, we would have had more chances.’  He continued, ‘Cancer is like a cube of sugar, it is easier to remove when it is freshly put in a cup of tea than when it has dissolved throughout the tea.’

I went dead quiet.

‘How bad is it now?’ I asked anxiously.

‘Not too good.’ He replied. ‘I will have to run some tests on you to know how bad.’

My heart sank.

He wrote some tests which included a chest x-ray and another test called a biopsy. A biopsy will tell if it is really a cancer. And I left his clinic.

The next few days were the most terrible days of my 35 years alive. I could not eat, go out, take my bath or do anything meaningful. Everything around me paused. I prayed hard. I prayed that the ball would be benign.

I told my parents. They were alarmed but calmer than me.

My mother came with me to check the result of the test. It was incredible. The doctor told me I had cancer of the breast.

My head flew from my neck and was spinning. I wanted to get knocked down by a car badly or killed someway. I felt my world had come to an end. But what would happen to my fiancé and my marriage? What would my friends think of me? Now people would run away from me. How long more do I have to live? Is this how I am going to die?

Subsequently, I felt life was slowing deserting me. I felt weak. I met my lawyer, and made my will. There and then, I took a last shot at living. I told myself that a coward dies many times before his death but a valiant dies just once.

I chose to be valiant.

During my admission in the hospital, my fiancé came around the hospital to see me. I could not stop shedding tears when I saw him. I knew our plans had died a natural death.  Who would marry a woman with her two breasts yanked off? Who would marry a woman who cannot care for him? Who is ready to marry a dying woman? Though he did not say anything about us. We both knew. He still came around to see me a couple of times. The last I heard about him was that he married an old friend. I cried more.

 I lost my job. I lost everything except my family – but is having this cancer - or whatever it is called - my fault? This among other questions peeped into my mind every now and then. I couldn’t wait to ask God these questions as I wait for his cuddle to welcome me back home.

That was two years ago, now I am living my full life with faith and hope. After all, what can we do to what we can’t change; we enjoy it. I had a successful surgery and completed my doses of chemotherapy. It’s been a new experience altogether because I thought I was a dead-loser but now I am a survivor. Thank God my parents were with me. I joined a breast cancer group where I was able to ask and answer questions about how people coped with their different challenges with breast cancer. Also, I got a job which is well-adapted to my health fitness. I fought back hard. I would rather fight with faith and hope than mopping with regrets and bitterness about life.

This story was written by Seyi Ajayi (@drfolajimi), a final year Medical student based on his experience with patients with breast cancer in a bid to promote Breast Cancer awareness.

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